How to Make Friends in College Quickly

Entering your first college course can feel like stepping onto another planet. Everyone else seems to know someone, groups are already assembling and you’re there thinking: Will I ever be able to find my people? Here’s the thing: Almost everyone feels this way, and making friends in college is absolutely doable if you employ the right tactics.

College gives you the golden ticket to meet people from all over the country. Unlike high school, where you’re trapped with the same cast for four years, college drops you into a stew of personalities, interests and backgrounds. The best part? Everyone is looking to meet friends, just like you.

This manual will guide you through what has been proven to work in making real friends fast, how to avoid mistakes that only make you more isolated and how to build a social life so incredible that you’ll look back at college as the best years of your life. Whether you’re a natural extrovert, quieter, or an introvert, everyone can benefit from these suggestions.

Week One: Your Golden Window

What happens at your first week of college is friendship lightning in a bottle. All are new, all are nervous and all are open to being approached. This is when you will get the most connection because no friendship groups have been formed yet.

During orientation week, Just Say Yes (within reason). That pizza party in the dorm common room? Go. The campus tour you have already taken twice? Go anyway. The strange 9 PM ice cream social? Definitely go. Every event is an opportunity to meet someone who could be your best friend.

For the first few weeks, keep your dorm room door open. The simple act signals that you’re friendly and approachable. More people walk by and see you’re available, they’re inclined to pop in and say hi. A good college friendship often begins with a simple, casual “Hey, what’s up?” from someone passing by.

Initiate chats with friends in your dorm hallway, at the dining hall or while waiting for class to begin. Just an easy “Where do you come from?” or “What’s your major?” can spark a connection. Remember, everyone is in the market for friends right now and they’ll appreciate you taking the initiative.

Join Groups and Clubs That Interest You

Clubs are friendship factories. When you join a club, there are instantly people around you who care about the same thing. This shared interest will serve as the great conversation starter and helped in finding common ground.

Most colleges boast hundreds of clubs, on topics ranging from ultimate frisbee to anime appreciation to community service. Visit the student activities fair at your school during the first few weeks. Shop around, sign up for email lists and go to a few meetings to see what resonates.

Join more than one club — experiment with three or four initially. You can always narrow the list later when you know which have the best vibe and where you find yourself most connecting. Some clubs will be the perfect fit from day one and others might just not be your scene at all — and that’s absolutely O.K.

Following is a guide to what different types of clubs can and cannot offer in terms of making friends:

Active clubs where people regularly meet you will have more chances to see the same faces over and over. Consistency is everything when it comes to forging friendships. When you meet with someone once a week for a few months, friendship kind of naturally occurs.

Your Classes Are Filled With Social Gold

Classes are not just for learning; they’re great places to make friends. You are in a room with the same people several times a week, so it gives you natural openings to connect.

Show up a few minutes early, and talk to people around you. Ask them what they did over the weekend, whether they got the homework and about their other classes. Small talk like this adds up over time and can become real friendships.

Form study groups with classmates. Post in your class group chat or ask around after class if anyone wants to meet up and review. Study groups offer incentive to hang out consistently, and working through difficult problems together is a natural bond-booster.

Keep rotating seats for the first couple of weeks. This helps you to meet and interact with a broad range of human beings instead of being stuck next to someone you don’t like. When you find people you like, begin sitting near them regularly.

Team up on group projects with friendly, motivated people. Group projects can be challenging but they can also lead to lifelong friends. Working through difficult tasks together builds connection.

Strategically Employ Your Social Media and Group Chats

As soon as you get accepted, join your class’s Facebook group, Discord server or Instagram page. These online zones allow you to initiate conversations with your future peers, and even make plans to meet in person after you arrive.

Rather than shy away from posting in class group chats. Post memes, questions about assignments or just to organize study sessions. The most active group chatters spin out into real-life connectors very quickly.

Follow people you meet in person immediately on social media. This helps keep the in-person hangs coming. DM them a hilarious meme every now and then or respond to their stories so they don’t forget you’re on the scene.

If you can’t meet up in person, organize virtual hangouts through apps such as Zoom, Discord or GroupMe. Gaming online with each other, having parties to watch Netflix together or simply video chatting can all help bonds between classes.

The Power of Saying Yes (With Smart Boundaries)

The quickest way to make friends is this: accept invitations. When someone invites you out to eat or study or an event, say yes unless there is actually a reason not to.

And even if you’re exhausted or don’t feel like it, force yourself to go out during orientation and those first months of your college career. You can always leave early if it sucks, but half the battle is just showing up. Your college family may be at that random event you almost didn’t go to.

That being said, you can’t say yes forever. If something truly doesn’t interest you or if it goes against your values, that’s fine. Key is to be open to opportunities, but not beat yourself up trying to please everyone.

Create Your Own Friend-Making Opportunities

Do not expect friendships to just happen for you — make them happen. Plan movie nights in your dorm lounge, a group chat for those who want to head to the gym together or lunch after your most challenging class with people from that same class.

Have game nights or potlucks in your room. When you’re the one connecting people, after all, you become, almost by definition, the hub of a social network. And people appreciate the effort and will consider you as someone who takes action.

Begin a weekly ritual with that really cool person you are hanging out with. Weekly coffee before your Tuesday morning class, Friday night pizza runs, or Sunday study sessions give you built-in hangout time and friends stop being acquaintances.

The Roommate Situation: Some Tips for Making It Work

Your roommate might end up being your best friend or just the person with whom you lived in peace, and that is perfectly O.K. If you’re not clicking, don’t try to force a friendship, but do make an effort to be genuinely friendly and respectful.

Have a candid, frank discussion early on about your expectations, your schedule and what you will need to make the relationship work. By getting the communication right from the beginning, you prevent conflicts which could make your living conditions unbearable. You don’t have to be besties, but a healthy roommate relationship counts.

If you and your roommate connect, terrific! You’ve got a built-in friend. Don’t depend solely on your roommate for your social life, though. Venture out and try to make other friends so you don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Occasionally tag along with your roommate while they’re hanging out with their friends. This doubles your friend-making opportunities. Imagine if their friends could be your friends, my friends, too, and see how social circles spread.

Get a Job on Campus

I’ve found working on campus is a sneaky good way to make friends. No matter which part of campus you’re on whether it be library, dining center, rec building or student center, you’ll end up working with other students and making natural friends.

Downtime jobs (such as those working the front desk at a dorm or gym) provide you with time to talk to co-workers and people circulating. Chats like this can evolve into hanging out off the job.

The money doesn’t hurt either. Money in hand allows you to say yes to going out to eat, seeing movies or participating in events that require money. Being broke can put a cramp in your social life, so a campus job solves two issues at once.

Discovering Your Tribe: It’s All About Quality vs. Quantity

It doesn’t take 50 friends to shape a solid college experience. Five good friends who really care about you trump 50 superficial connections every time. Concentrate on creating relationships with people who align with your values and make you feel good.

Value how someone makes you feel. If someone is always insulting you, canceling plans or making everything about them, that isn’t friendship. Real friends believe in you, show up when they say they will and give a shit about you.

Seek friends who are interested in a reciprocal relationship, not just what you can do for them. Good friendships are give-and-take, with both people contributing in equal measure.

You need to have different friends for different roles in your life. Chances are you have study buddies, and party friends, and deep-conversation friends, and adventure friends. It’s natural for your social circle to be a mix of people who satisfy different needs.

Breaking Into Existing Friend Groups

The sense of being left out, while also understandable, is not fair to the people around you who are just looking for friends to spend time with. Friend groups aren’t locked. Everyone is down to add cool new people to their roster.

Begin by making a friend of one individual in a group you are attracted to. And once you have built a good connection with them, they will naturally introduce you to their other friends. It’s easier to join a group through one person than trying to please everyone all at once.

Be yourself and engage in conversation, but do it casually. Inquire about people, you want to know their stories and share one too. Groups value new members who contribute but don’t dominate.

Don’t get discouraged if the first one you try doesn’t work out. Meet enough new people, and you’ll find your tribe eventually.

Overcoming Shyness and Social Anxiety

It’s not that being shy means you can’t make friends — it just might mean you have to exert yourself a little further. Begin slowly with one-on-one hangouts in lieu of big group activities. These are less intimidating and allow people to see the true you.

Practice chatting with low-stakes people, such as cashiers or people in elevators. The more you practice starting conversations, the easier it becomes. Think of it as exercising a muscle.

Another thing to bear in mind is that when something goes wrong it’s highly unlikely anyone else really notices or cares because most people are busy concentrating on themselves and their own worries. That embarrassing thing you said? Chances are they forgot all about it five minutes later. No one has time to focus on the mistake you may have made they are all worrying about their own.

If you experience severe anxiety that’s preventing you from reaching out to potential friends, discuss the matter with a counselor at your campus health center. They can also provide you with the tools and strategies to deal with social anxiety. It’s not wrong to seek the help of professionals.

The Commuter Challenge: Making Friends When You Don’t Live on Campus

Living off campus makes friendship-building harder, but not impossible. You have to be more intentional about your own showing up and creating the opportunities for people to connect with you.

Get to campus early and stay late a few evenings a week. Do homework in campus spaces like the library, student union or study lounges. The more time you’re on campus the more opportunities you have to bump into people and make plans.

Join clubs that meet at night or on days when you’re already on campus. This way you get the most out of your time and energy. Select groups that have regular meetings so you can form ongoing relationships.

Connect with other commuters. They will understand the challenges you are going through and be seeking friends as well. Your school may even have a commuter student association or lounge.

Errors That Sabotage Friendships Before They Start

Discussing yourself ad nauseam is the quickest way to turn people off. Ask and listen, take an interest in other people’s lives. Conversations should be balanced.

The inauthenticity or attempt to impress people is what gets them into trouble. People can tell when you’re not genuine. Just be yourself — the true friends will accept the real you.

Being flaky or ghosting people is a friendship killer. If you make plans, show up. If you have to cancel, do so as soon as is reasonably possible and offer an alternative time. Reliability matters.

Constant complaining or negativity can drag all of us down. It’s okay to vent every now and then, but if you’re an endless source of negativity, people will avoid you. Attempt to mix sharing struggle with happy talk.

Making Friends Do More Than Just Make Friends After Freshman Year

The friends you make the first few weeks aren’t necessarily going to be your forever friends and that is perfectly fine. People grow and change. Some friendships you lose and some grow deeper, as it should be.

Work on the friendships that matter. Text people between hangouts, think about their life and remember something specific about it. Friendships take work to maintain.

Be a friend in hard times. Be there for people when they are going through a breakup, failing a class or family stuff. Mutual support in difficult circumstances is what true friends are made of.

If some friendships dissolve, don’t take it personally. People get busy, switch majors, study abroad, or lose touch. It doesn’t reflect that you did anything wrong. Put your energy into the friendships that last.

The Timeline: What to Expect

First Month: Everything feels overwhelming. You will meet a lot of people but most likely won’t have close friends at this point. This is normal. Keep putting yourself out there.

Months 2-3: You will begin to recognize familiar faces and exchange small talk with some people. Some potential friendships are forming.

End of First Semester: You have a few good friends and an even larger circle of acquaintances. You start to feel like you fit in.

Second Semester: Your friendships deepen. You’ve got your crew and know your territory on campus. It’s easier to make friends because you feel more comfortable.

Sophomore Year and Beyond: Your friend group is set but still fluid. You continue to meet new people through classes, clubs and friends of friends.

Special Cases: Transfer Students and Non-Traditional Students

Transfer students have their own set of struggles because all the others already had their friends. Reset and do all the week-one stuff. Join clubs right away and be honest about your newness—people typically love to assist and integrate newcomers.

If you are older than the typical college age, try to find other non-traditional students or grad students or simply look for connections around shared interests instead of age. Most campuses have clubs or groups exclusively for nontraditional students.

International students should consider participating in both their cultural interest clubs as well as other groups. This provides you with a community from back home while also enabling you to make American friends and find out what the culture is like.

Your Friend-Making Action Plan

Here’s your week-by-week guide to figuring out this whole friends thing — fast:

Week 1:

• Attend every orientation event possible
• Introduce yourself to everyone in your dorm
• At the activities fair, sign up for no less than 3 clubs
• Swap numbers with five new people
• Leave your dorm door open

Week 2:

• Go to first club meetings for any of the clubs you’ve joined
• Join study group in your most difficult class
• Ask somebody out for a bite to eat
• Be a part of your class social media pages
• Initiate a new conversation with someone each day

Week 3:

• Whittle down to a couple of your preferred clubs
• Organize something small in your dorm (film night, game night)
• Reach out to anyone you’ve met but not actually hung around with yet
• This week, accept at least two invitations
• Plan recurring hangouts with someone you jive with

Week 4 and Beyond:

• Keep attending club meetings regularly
• Begin forming deeper friendships with 3-5 people
• Organize group activities occasionally
• Balance social time with academics
• Message new friends between hangouts and stay in touch

When College Is Lonely: You’re Not Alone

Nearly everyone feels lonely at some point in college. If you’re a few weeks or even months in and feeling like all your friends are scattered, don’t worry. Friendships take time and people have different timetables.

Keep showing up. The more regularly you place yourself in social settings, the better your opportunities to meet someone. One conversation could change everything.

Be patient with yourself. It really is harder to make friends as an adult than it was when we were kids. Give yourself a break. Find the little victories — the good conversation or being invited to something.

Take steps to deal with loneliness. If you feel like loneliness is compromising your mental well-being, seek help and speak with campus counseling services. Speaking to a professional can help you get to the bottom of what’s holding you back and work out ways around it particular to your situation.

Your College Story Starts Now

Forming friends in college ultimately boils down to being intentional, open and consistent. You show up, be yourself and give people a chance to get to know you. The friendships you make at college can last a lifetime, but that’s only if you make an effort to forge them.

Keep in mind that everyone strolling around campus wants what you want: to find others and feel as if they belong. When you go out to form friendships with a genuine curiosity in others and vulnerability, good things can happen.

College is what you make of it. The friends you form will be some of your best memories, your network to get through tough times and connections well beyond graduation. So take a deep breath, get in there and start creating the kind of college experience you’re looking for.

The optimal moment to start forming friendships was yesterday. The next best time is now. Go introduce yourself to a stranger today.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does it really take to make friends in college?

The average person has real friends within their first 2-3 months of college, whenever you are in school. You may have surface-level friendships in the first couple of weeks, but from there people generally form deeper connections after a semester or so of interaction. If you haven’t found your best friends by the end of the first month, don’t worry — it’s all perfectly normal. Continue to put yourself out there and the friendships will come.

What if I’m naturally introverted? Can I still make friends fast?

Absolutely! Just because you are introverted doesn’t mean you can’t make friends — it means you might be more comfortable in smaller, more intimate settings, and require time alone to recharge. Instead of big parties, focus on one-on-one coffee dates, join smaller clubs and remember that it’s quality over quantity. Some of the best friendships occur between introverts who find it hard to open up to one another.

Is it weird to eat in the dining hall by yourself?

Not at all! Most people dine solo once in a while, and no one is raising an eyebrow about it. On the other hand, if your goal is to meet people, it’s a harder place to beat than the dining hall. See if you can sit with someone eating alone, or ask to eat with classmates after class. But you really don’t have to sweat the occasional solo meal — make those your times to read or just take sweet, quiet minutes.

What if the friends I made early on are not really a good fit?

This happens all the time. The friends you make during orientation week aren’t necessarily going to be — and sometimes won’t be — your forever friends, and that’s fine. You can subtly extricate yourself by becoming busier with other activities and making less of an effort to be available. No need for a dramatic friend breakup — just let the friendship naturally fade as you put energy into making better connections.

How do I tell if someone wants to be friends or is just being polite?

If someone is going out of their way to reach out, propose plans or looks genuinely delighted to see you, chances are they want to be friends. Polite people will not follow up or will offer excuses if you invite them to hang out. And the only way to find out is to extend an invitation, letting them decide what to do. How they react will tell you everything you need to know.

Should I join a fraternity or sorority to have friends?

Greek life can be a quick way to make friends, but it’s absolutely not a requirement. If you enjoy the whole brotherhood/sisterhood system and like how there are social events involved, go for it. But don’t pressure yourself just because you’re slow on the friend front. There are many other ways to cultivate a social circle, and Greek life isn’t for everyone.

What if my only friend up to now is my roommate?

It’s awesome you and your roommate get along, but you need to spread your wings. Depending on one person to meet all your social needs is too much for a friendship to bear and too confining a way to experience college. Join clubs, talk to your fellow students and try to establish a friend group separate from them. You’ll have a healthier roommate friendship, really, when you’re not both relying on each other for everything.

How many friends do I actually need in order to be happy in college?

There’s no magic number. There are some that have 2-3 close friends and nothing more that they want, and others who love having tons of friends. We know from research that it’s important to have at least one person you can go to with your problems. Aside from that, quality over quantity. Five solid friendships are worth 50 shallow connections.

What if I’m new, what if I transferred and everyone already has friend groups?

Transfer students typically face additional obstacles but friend groups are not as impenetrable as they appear. In fact, many are seeking to widen their circles. Just be transparent about being a newbie, join clubs right off the bat and actively pursue other transfers — they’re in the same boat as you. If it is available at your school, consider living in transfer-specific housing. Don’t hesitate to approach groups that already exist — in my experience, most people want others who are interested in their hobby.

Is it common to be lonely if you have friends?

Yes, this happens more often than you probably realize. You may have people you’re friendly with, but feel like you lack deeper ties. If this is the case, consider taking things a little deeper beyond superficialities. Share something personal, ask deeper questions and create opportunities for that one-on-one time where real bonding occurs. And make sure you’re picking friends who share your values and actually make you feel good.